Wednesday, November 25, 2009


Words are not coming very easily to me tonight.

A poster on a message board that I am on very frequently lost her darling son today. They don't know from what- he was running a fever, they took him to the pediatrician, were told all was fine. He was a healthy, happy little boy, being his healthy, happy, normal self- just with a fever. Then it got higher, they took him to the ER and his brain started to swell- he passed away in his mom's arms not too long afterward.

Just like that, gone.

Tonight, I am thankful for my son. I am thankful for my husband. I am so very thankful that I have never had to endure that kind of a tragedy, never have had to find out if I would have the strength to go on after something like that.

I am so very thankful.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Cherishing the Sweet, Sweet Moments

... of babyhood. The past few days, a few things that have happened with B have brought me to the realization that soon, he won't need me anymore. Soon, it will be "No, Mom, I'm fine- just go" and "Mom, please don't kiss me when my friends can see". The thought of that breaks my heart.

So- I'm cherishing every moment with my giggling little boy who looks at me like I'm the most amazing thing in the world. I'm slowing down, and savoring those nursing sessions at night where small chubby hands are playing with my shirt and occasionally making their way up to where I can kiss them, or down to grasp my thumb. I'm loving every time he comes to me, arms out, just for a hug, and then continues on his way to wherever he was going. I'm trying to make as many moments like these as I can, because someday, he'll be gone. Someday, he'll be grown up and have his own family. As much as I want that for him, the thought brings tears to my eyes.

There's nothing I can do but enjoy this little guy. Laugh with him, play with him, crawl with him, giggle with him.

So I'm doing just that. :)

Sunday, November 15, 2009

The City Mouse and the Country Mouse

We've all heard the story of the city mouse and the country mouse, right? You know, mouse that lives in the country goes to visit his cousin in the city, decides to stay until a cat appears in the city house. I used to think "Wow, that country mouse is sure stupid- how could you go back to the country after being in the hip, cool city?"

All my life, my parents crowed about how much they loved the "small-town" life. I, in turn, would roll my eyes and tell them how someday I was going to move to New York City. I loved the hustle, the bustle, the crowded streets, the feeling that you're "where it's at". Or, I THOUGHT I did anyway. (I should mention that, at this point in time, I had never actually been to New York City.)

And then I went to NYC. I saw the smelly, garbage-ridden streets, the claustrophobic crowds on the sidewalks, the ugliness and unfriendliness of the people. Then I became a parent. I pictured trying to navigate my stroller through mobs of pretentious, self-absorbed New Yorkers with attitudes the size of New York itself and no mercy for anyone having a hard time.

No way in the world. Over my dead body. I don't mean to pick on New York here, I could be talking about any city. Especially since becoming a mom, I find myself turning more and more away from the city, away from the hustle and bustle. I want wide open spaces, I want to see the stars, I want to not have to worry about traffic noises waking up my baby. I now want that "small town" life.

I guess everything comes full-circle, huh?

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Love and Marriage, Love and Marriage

Sing with me now! "... go together like a horse and carriage..."

Now that I've brought the show Married...with Children into your mind, it's time to get down to business. I have a radical idea in this here post. I'm going to share it with you. Here goes.

I think that in life, we so often forget HOW lucky we are to have our spouse. I think we forget what made us fall in love with him or her, we forget how it felt on those head-spinning excited first dates.

I know I do. It's so easy to get caught up in the day to day "He didn't do X" or "I wish he was like so and so's husband, who does Y" that I sometimes forget how incredibly lucky I am to have the husband that I do. Does he irritate me sometimes? Yes. Do we bicker? Absolutely.

But you know what? Past all that, I have a man who LOVES me! A man who works his fingers to the bone to provide for me and our baby. A man who is an AMAZING father and loves our son with all of his heart. A man who, at the end of a long day, can look me in the eyes and say something that takes all that stress away.

I think so many divorces happen nowadays because people get caught up in the crap, day to day, mundane, bickering details of life. They forget all of that LOVE, that infatuation, that amazing time in the beginning of a relationship where everything seems so right with the world.

Kind of an out-there way to look at it, but there you go. That's my opinion. :)

Monday, November 9, 2009

What No One Told Me About Motherhood... (Oh, and I'm back)

After an extended hiatus, I'm back! No real reason for the hiatus, I just felt like I had nothing interesting to say. However, today, as I was unloading the dishwasher during the baby's nap, it hit me.

I needed to blog. There was something that came bubbling to the surface that I NEEDED to express. So without further ado, I bring you- What No One Told Me About Motherhood.

During your first pregnancy, (if you're like me anyway) you DEVOUR books about pregnancy and motherhood. You read what's happening to your body every week, what is developing on the baby every week, and then as the due date nears, you start reading about how to deal with your little bundle when it arrives. How to breastfeed, how to calm them down, how to get them to sleep (and also, if you're like me, you CONTINUE reading those books until they just. go. to. sleep. and. stay. that. way. already.).

Anyway, you also talk, a lot. You talk to your parents, your friends with kids, your relatives with kids, anyone who has some experience in the matter, trying to glean whatever wisdom you can get from anyone who will talk about it with you. So for me, by the time the baby was about to come, I felt like I had pretty much gotten the low down on everything. I didn't feel CONFIDENT, mind you, because I knew I was the one who had to put those ideas and techniques into practice, on very little sleep and with large amounts of hormones running through my system, making me feel crazy.

I thought I knew most of what I was going to be dealing with. 9 months later though? I realize that I knew NOTHING. Sure, I figured out the logistics, when to put them in the crib, when to start solid food, et cetera et cetera. There were lots of things no one told me!

1. That bringing that baby home was going to be just the start of your life completely and totally being turned upside down on a daily, if not hourly, basis. You will NEVER be able to think about yourself first ever again.

2. That depending on the person you are and the type of metabolism you have (thanks a lot mom) it's a LOT harder to lose the baby weight than you could ever imagine. Books make it sound like "oh, breastfeeding burns so many calories, it really is a good way to lose that extra weight" A big Phbbbtt to all of that. Breastfeeding also makes you hungry. REALLY freaking hungry. All. The. Time.

3. No matter how hard you try, at a certain point, your house will NOT be as clean as it used to be, nor as orderly. We have maids that come in and clean... MAIDS, people- and still- the next day? You can't even tell they've been here. And now that B's favorite activity is taking things out of the toy box as Mommy tries to put them in, and generally causing destruction and mayhem wherever he goes (and he goes a LOT of places- that little bugger is FAST)... it's incredibly hard.

4. How hard it is to get dressed, shower, get out of the house, and go somewhere. Seriously- I was a "Give me 5 minutes, I'll be ready" type of gal before I had a baby- Now it's turned into, "Please just sit here and play for 2 seconds while I take this clean shirt out of the closet, take off the one that has sweet potatoes down the front from you spitting your lunch all over me, and put the clean one on so people at the grocery store don't think I've completely lost my marbles, although it feels like I have." I get in the car, drive away, and don't realize until I'm halfway to wherever I'm going that I forgot to brush my teeth, or brush my hair, or cover up that gigantic red pimple that has suddenly appeared on my chin.

5. The Mommy Guilt. There is guilt over everything! Am I playing with him too much, and not letting him foster his independence, am I not playing with him enough and making him feel neglected, should I let him cry in his crib, should I not, is he eating enough, is he eating too much, is he eating something that's not good for him????? And on and on it goes.

6. That one little smile makes it all worth it, no matter how hard it is. All the nap failures, all the crying and hard days are negated by that one little look, that one little smile or giggle, and you know that you want to do it all over again tomorrow. Being a parent is by far the hardest thing I have ever done, but it makes me feel more fulfilled on a daily basis than any other job I've ever had.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

A Bad Day at Home...

is better than a good day anywhere else! Office-wise, that is. Days like today, I get frustrated when B won't nap, or the day doesn't go how I planned it. Then, I remember.

I'm at home! I don't have boring meetings to sit in, I don't have to get dressed up, I don't have deadlines or a boss breathing down my neck, I don't have crazy coworkers who try to sabotage me, I don't have piles of paperwork to file... because I'm at home!

I'm wonderfully, amazingly, thankfully, magnificently, miraculously, remarkably, extraordinarily, able to be at home with my beautiful baby boy (and apparently quite sesquipedalian today)!

I am so thankful to be home, even on the bad days. This is the first job I've ever had where I've felt that way! :)

Tuesday, September 8, 2009


You know, I try my best to like everyone. I feel like life is too short to walk around being critical of everyone and everything. I try VERY hard to see past people's faults, as I hope they are able to see past mine (and there are MANY)...

Every now and then, though- someone does something that steams me enough that I really want to say something about it. This happened today. The whole story is this:

I am friends with someone on Facebook. Let's call her Mrs. T. (Side note: I check Facebook at least 14 times a day- It's interesting to me, and I have a good variety of people that I keep up with- old high school friends, new mom friends, in-laws, etc.) Mrs T. is a friend of my in-laws, and consequently, my husband. Her children grew up with my husband. She sent me a friend request a month or two ago, and I thought, "Hmm. She seems like a nice person, even though I've only met her a handful of times, but she's friends with my in-laws, so I'll accept". Now, the hubs has always said a few things about this particular lady, things like, she's a little bit of a busybody. I always shrugged him off, thinking he was just saying this because he's not a fan of people, in general.

Mrs. T started a blog. Since she posts updates with links to her newest blog post, I'll read it from time to time. Sometimes I agree with her, sometimes not as much. Her blog post today happened to be about Facebook. Thinking "well, she's on it, I wonder what she has to say", I followed the link.

The post that appeared certainly took me by surprise. In it, she basically was wagging her finger at everyone she's "friends" with on Facebook, telling us all how it's crazy that we all post stupid, inconsequential, trivial things on status updates. She actually said that it's okay to post if say, you were a grandmother talking about her grandchildren, or if you got a new job and wanted your friends to know. Apparently those types of things are big enough news to broadcast to your friends, whereas something about your child's nap does not fall into that category.

I post things about B's naps all the time- so as you can imagine, this kind of needled me. Newsflash, dollface... I post those things so that my mom friends can read and comment- not you. They care, and guess what- if you don't? Facebook has a little thing called the "hide" button. You can hide anyone's updates you want. It just struck me as very petty and well, busybodyish (if that's even a word). The hubs was right- I guess I should listen to him more often!!

Friday, September 4, 2009

"Just Keep Swimming"

Lately I've been doing some thinking about life in general. What do I want out of my time on this Earth?

Simple- I want to be the best person that I can be, run my family the best that I can, and leave the world a little better than I found it.

Yeah. That sounds about right. Too bad it is ridiculously vague and the epitome of a cliche... What do I really want out of life, day to day? Let's try this again, more specifically this time.

1. I want to be happy. When I die, I want my family to remember me as someone who was happy- someone who made lemonade out of the lemons she'd been handed. (I guess I can't get away from the cliches entirely...) I want to be thought of as the eternal optimist, someone who made you feel better when you were around her. I want to live my life that way, as well.

2. I want to be responsible. Growing up, my family didn't really place a lot of emphasis on this. I think that responsiblity is necessary for true happiness, though. That genuine-deep-down-your-soul-is-smiling type of happiness.

3. (Warning- this is kind of shallow) I want to be thin. Maybe not even thin, but slender, healthy. I want to break the cycle of obesity in my bloodlines. I want to laugh as I'm saying to the salesgirl at Ann Taylor, "No, this size 8 is too big... Could you bring me the 6?" Scratch that- you know what? The size doesn't really matter- I may never be a size 6. But I want to be healthy. I want to be in a healthy weight range. I want clothes to look good on me. I want to feel good in my skin!

4. I want to raise children who are all of the above. Happy, responsible, healthy children, who love their lives and have a lot of fun.

Well, that about sums it up. Some days I feel like all of that is at the end of my fingertips, easily achievable if only I would just take that one step forward. Other times it feels as if I have to keep trudging 14 more miles, barefoot and through 29 inches of snow to get there.

That's life, I suppose. As Dory in Finding Nemo says, "Just keep swimming!"

Thursday, September 3, 2009

7 months...

To my little guy:

7 months. Wow. Just 7 months ago, a day came that changed my life forever. I am so thankful to have you. Every single day, you make my life better- you make me smile, you make me laugh, you make me cry (happy tears). Those little(big and blue) eyes looking at me, those smiles during and after nursing, the squeals of happiness with the smiles that are so big when you wake up from a nap and I come into your room. All of it makes Mommy melt into one huge pile of goo. I love you, my little monkey. I love every inch of you, I love your personality, I love the way you hug my neck and hold my finger. You make me a better person. I never knew that I could love something this deeply, this... primally. (Is that even a word?) Thank you for being my little boy- I promise to love you, cherish you, and raise you to be the best person you can be. Forever. I love you, B.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Fall is Coming!!

For the first time in a VERY long time, I am really looking forward to Fall. I'm usually a give-me-the-hottest-and-most-humid-weather-you've-got type of girl, so this is surprising. I think it's the baby.

Visions of pumpkin patches, petting zoos, hayrides, and especially really cute clothes and costumes dance through my head. Like this:
Oh my goodness it is so adorable- Squeeeee! (Let me assure you, I don't often make that noise.) I really don't understand WHY I love dressing up babies in cute/funny outfits- but I just do. And obviously, I'm not alone. Otherwise, things like this would not even exist:

Squee!! ::Ahem:: Sorry, I'm back. It's not just the Halloween costumes, it's the children's clothes in general. I love the browns, the oranges, the reds. The sweaters, the corduroy pants, the outfits!

Yeah. It's crazy adorable. Well, come on September, October- give me what you've got. This year, I'm ready for you.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Husband Love

I was reading some celebrity weekly magazine tonight, while I was working out at the gym, and it had a quote from Kyra Sedgwick, talking about her husband Kevin Bacon. She said:

"I don't know how at 22, I went, 'Yeah, that's the guy,' and was actually right about it. Usually you pick someone who has all the worst qualities of your father or something."

This struck me, because I also married at 22. I've voiced this same sentiment several times since then. I had no idea what I was looking for long term, but somehow I ended up with a man who is absolutely perfect for me in every way. His weaknesses (there aren't very many), are my strengths and vice versa. He is loyal, loving, understanding, funny, and he has a great butt... definitely a great quality! All joking aside, he puts up with me when I'm at my worst, steps in for me when I just can't do it anymore, and rubs my back when it hurts. I couldn't ask for anything more.

Then just when I thought it couldn't get ANY better, he gave me two of the most amazing gifts in the whole world- my son, and the ability to stay home with him and just be mommy. Not have to worry about work/life balance, not have to worry about leaving my precious baby with someone I barely know every day, not have to try and keep all the balls in the air at one time- I can't even imagine how hard that is. Instead, if B wants to play, we play. If we want to go for a walk, we go for a walk. It gives me the time to really savor these sweet, sweet moments of infancy that go all too fast. I will treasure these memories that I'm able to make with B forever. I am eternally grateful to you, P, for all the hard work that you do to make this possible.

In short? I LOVE my husband. with a capital L-O-V-E. :)

Monday, August 24, 2009

Insert Witty Title Here

Sometimes, I just don't have anything to say. I rack my brain, over and over- and find nothing. Nothing profound, nothing shallow- just nothing. This definitely doesn't help when writing a blog. So today, I'm just going to give you some random facts about me.

-I am an optimist to the highest degree. It's very rare when I see a situation where I can't find some sort of silver lining in the clouds. I'm pretty sure that this is annoying to the people around me that aren't as sunny.

-I love the feeling of soft grass between my toes, lying in the bed of a pickup truck watching the stars, and the smell of fresh country air. It pains me to think of my children growing up without knowing these little joys.

-I think HBO makes the best shows ever. They're a little profane, a little heavy on the sex, but they're really some of the best written, interesting shows on television.

-I love to study people. Airports, restaurants, and anywhere else- I love watching people and wondering what their lives are like, where they're going, where they're coming from, what's going on in their minds, all that jazz.

Well, that's all I'm able to come up with now- if you're reading this, leave me a comment with some random facts about you!

Sunday, August 23, 2009

I'm Done, Pizza Hut...

The man and I decided to get pizza last night, so that I didn't have to cook. Good idea in theory, right? Well, we ordered after the baby went to bed at 7:30. At 9:00, our pizza came- took a looong time, but I was okay with that- then when I opened it, it was cold- and one of the pizzas was wrong.

H called and complained- we were told that they couldn't give us our money back, but they would send us new pizzas. In 45 minutes. So at 10:00 pm, the new pizzas showed up. Still not hot, but at least they weren't cold. And one was still wrong. Basically, we paid $30 for crap.

The problem is that this is indicative of the whole demise of customer service in our society. Customer service, manners, politeness- none of this is valued anymore. It's gotten so bad that I can name on ONE hand (that's 5 fingers, folks) the companies that I've had a really GOOD experience with in the past couple of years. I don't think I'm a difficult customer, either- just give me what I'm paying for- I am willing to pay. When I do find a company that seems to really care about serving me, the customer- I really make a note of it, and try to go out of my way to patronize them over and over again (I'm talking to you, Zappos and Whole Foods).

This whole experience just leaves a bad taste in my mouth, like most things nowadays do- I experience that bad taste way too often. Ugh.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Ahh, Thunderstorms and Naptime

I'm sitting here on the laptop, in bed, while my baby sleeps and a thunderstorm rages outside. I can't think of anywhere else I'd rather be at this moment. As long as I can be inside, I LOVE thunderstorms.

If I have to be outside, it's a very different story. Lightning scares the crap out of me. I'm not sure why, it's just a fear/dislike of mine, along with balloons, the thought of dying and leaving my child motherless, the thought of my child dying, etc. I don't have too many fears- but the ones I have are HUGE. Except balloons- that one's a little crazy, I'll admit. I just really don't like it when they pop, therefore I hate being around them, because I never know when it's going to happen. Make sense?

No? Well, that's okay. I'm willing to admit one irrational fear. Does anybody else have crazy fears like this??

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

She's a little bit country.... a little bit rock and roll

I love music. Just about every type of music gets me going one way or another. Lately I've been leaning the country way. I've always loved country music, but I find myself switching to that radio station almost exclusively these past few weeks. Some of my favorites are:

Sugarland. Jennifer Nettles has an amazing voice that's so distinctive. I love just about any song they sing!

The Zac Brown Band... Another great group. They're fairly new, but I've loved everything they've put out so far.

Darius Rucker, another newbie to the country scene. Not new to the music industry, however. Some of you may remember him as "Hootie". Rest assured, he is totally different now- I love it!

And the one and only Reba McEntire. This lady has been in the biz so long- but her songs are just as relevant as they were back when she first started. I love her old stuff, her new stuff, and everything in between.

Well, there you have it. Not a very deep post this morning, but maybe some places to start for my friends out there who don't like country music?

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

So I'm Sewing...

So. I made it through the first blog post, and here's a second! I started learning how to sew a year or so ago. My mother in law knew how, so I asked her for lessons. It was great! I made a pillow the first lesson, placemats the second, a blanket, and a bag that looks suspiciously Vera Bradley-like. Then my in-laws moved away, and took the machine with them. After finding some really cute patterns and missing the whole creative aspect of sewing, I decided that I was going to buy one. Lo and behold, for my birthday this year (just a couple of weeks ago), I received a sewing machine from the in-laws as a gift! Yay! I bought some patterns for a couple of skirts and a really cute dress.

One problem though:

Skirts and dresses are WAY different to make than placemats. I really have no idea what I'm doing- I'm supposed to be doing pleats, a zipper, and sizing it correctly- all things I've never done before. I took one look at the directions and the pattern and decided to put that project on hold. Instead, the maiden voyage of my sewing machine was to make my version of a "Taggie" blanket for B. It came out really well, and he loved it!

I guess it's definitely not bad considering I would have laughed at whoever told me 5 years ago that I would be sewing someday.

Hi, My name is Dee, and I have an addiction...

Alright, everybody, say it... "Hi Dee". Anyway, what I'm saying is that I am addicted. To what, you might ask? Well, that's a fairly hard question to answer. I'm addicted to... well, being. Being a housewife, a mother, a creator of projects, a kisser of boo boos, a cook, you can kind of see where I'm going with this.

Bottom line is- I love my life, in all its still-trying-to-get comfortable-with-this-whole-stay-at-home-mother/domestic engineer-runner-of-the-household glory. I have a wonderful husband, P, and a six month old son, B. I'm learning how to iron shirts, how to sew, how to decorate cakes, how to grow flowers, anything and everything that I can do to make my house a comfortable, warm, place for my kids to grow up. Yes, it's different from my prior life as a twenty-something working woman trying to crack the glass ceiling from the corner office, but I wouldn't go back for all the cake in the world. (And I love me some cake. )

We live in a somewhat urban environment right now, but my hope is to change that in the coming years- I want land, with some chickens, maybe a goat or two, and a huge garden! For now, though, I'm trying to be content in my townhouse, growing plants in containers, taking over half of my husband's office with my sewing paraphernalia, and kissing my sweet baby's cheeks a billion times a day. Hmm.. when I put it that way, there's MORE than enough to be content with!

Well, I hope this was a decent introduction- thanks for reading! I hope to share with you in the coming weeks the things that I'm learning and doing as I venture farther into this whole being a mom/running a household thing!